For The Chronically Single Girl
For those of you who may not be aware (though if you’re here, I’m sure you know), I’m extremely single.
Other points worth mentioning before we begin:
All of my friends are either married or engaged (all is not an exaggeration).
I haven’t had a boyfriend since high school (I’m 24 for reference).
So far this year, I’ve been to 3 of my best friends’ weddings.
I went on a date for the first time in almost 5 years this summer.
I just shared my first little post on Substack (so go hang out there) but, I just wanted to chat today - from one single girl to another - about the state of my love life (and how comical it is). Maybe this will provide hope, comfort, or, honestly, just a good giggle.
I’ve always loved romance movies. I remember watching 27 Dresses for the first time and thinking, “Wow, this is so unrealistic! I can’t imagine ever relating to this girl!”
I can only imagine little Mere’s face if she saw the state of my love life right now. She would be appalled and slightly shocked to realize that she’s most like the character she had tried so hard not to be.
So far this year, I’ve watched all of my best friends fall in love. From drafting up first texts to proposals to wedding day jitters, I’ve been able to stand by their side through it all. I think it’s a special thing to witness love blooming, but I’ve found myself laughing at how often I seem to be watching from the sidelines. I suppose the saying, Coaches never play, holds some truth to it.
Sometimes I wonder if there’s something people aren’t telling me. Some little secret I have yet to hear or a puzzle piece I have yet to find. I wonder what I did wrong to not deserve even a tiny sliver of this thing called love that everyone seems to be experiencing but me. How am I so surrounded by something I have yet to even understand myself? How can love be all around me, yet nowhere to be seen at all?
I too often find myself feeling like a rom-com character (minus the romance) every single day. The kind of character you can’t help but laugh at and root for at the same time. Always the bridesmaid, never the bride, has been hitting different for me!
Yet again, I find myself filling the shoes of Jane.
So here are a couple of things I do to keep myself sane while everyone is busy falling in love.
Create a playlist that makes you feel like the rom-com character that you are. Instead of listening to dreary, depressing heartbreak songs that only remind you of what never was, blare songs that remind you love is right around the corner! Curate your romance movie soundtrack. AKA, the songs that play just as the main character decides that maybe she is better off by herself. If you need some inspiration, here is my rom-com soundtrack (that is very much still in the works).
Pick up a new hobby! You’re single! You have time to start new projects! You have space to fail and try again! I find myself on one too many side quests in search of my hidden talent (I still haven’t found it, but I’ll let you know when I do). Here’s a basic mini list of rom-com-approved hobbies to get into:
Pottery, painting, scrapbooking, journaling - GET CREATIVE!
Start learning a new language
Baking/cooking
Take dance classes!
Gardening, rollerblading, hiking - GET OUTSIDE!
Do puzzles in your free time! Word searches, crosswords - bring back games to pass the time instead of scrolling.
READ!!!!!
Go get your nails done (this is a personal one; you don’t have to do this, but I feel best when my nails are pretty). Somehow, when my nails are done, I feel more put together. I’m playing the role of a rom-com character by having sparkly pink nails!
Take self-care VERY seriously. Being single is the one time you’re allowed to pour all your energy into yourself - take advantage of it! Spend a little extra time washing your face. Do your skincare in a candlelit room. Invest in a signature scent. Whatever it looks like to love yourself a little extra - DO IT.
Spend time with the GIRLS! Girlhood is my favorite part of singleness. Getting the girls together to watch a cheesy romance movie while chocolate chip cookies bake in the oven? I’m there. Cherish your girl friendships.
While romance movies tend to constantly remind me of what I don’t have, they also bring me great comfort. There’s something so special about resonating with the main character right before she falls in love. Resonating with the awkward first encounters and failed dates. Noticing how loneliness leads to a deeper sense of understanding towards ourselves. An understanding that brings breakthrough and confidence in places where we normally lack.
So, to my chronically single friend on the other side of the screen,
You’re not alone & I’ll see you next week.
xoxo, Mere
PS, if you happen to NOT be a chronically single girl, I’d still love for you to call this home. You’re just as welcome as the rest! AND if you want to go join the Substack family - please do!!! I’m going to be sharing weekly on there (still here as well) it’ll just be more community-based and easier to interact with you guys!
So extremely thankful for you guys reading and supporting and making me feel comfortable enough to share my diary pages. This is so special to me. Really excited for a fun new season!!!!!! ILYYYYY
