from: my notes app
September 14th, 2023 12:53 am
Sometimes I don’t remember a lot of specific moments from when I was a kid,
but I do remember how it felt
to be a kid.
Every once in a while I hear a song,
see a photo,
smell a perfume,
hear a laugh,
see a familiar face,
and I get hit with that feeling
of being a kid.
I remember what it felt like to stay up late waiting for Santa. Too giddy to sleep, waiting in the dark with eyes wide open - the room had never felt brighter.
I remember the feeling I got when I heard my grandpa laugh early in the morning while he drank his coffee. I was never a morning person but hearing his voice made me glad to be awake.
I remember the feeling of taking my snow boots off after a long day of playing in the snow - exhausted yet ecstatic. Freezing to the touch, but have never felt warmer.
I remember how it felt to simply be a kid.
Sometimes I can’t remember what my old room looked like when I was young, but I remember the feeling. It was warm and bright and made me feel a sense of comfort other places couldn’t quite give me. It smelled like cotton candy and the pages of books I would fall asleep reading.
It occurs to me often - how can I not remember intricate details of my childhood but I can identify the feeling almost instantly?
The feeling of being a kid comes out of nowhere, sneaking up on you, then prancing all at once.
You don’t see it coming, there’s no moment to identify but all of a sudden it’s overwhelmingly there and you can’t seem to remember why you would ever forget this feeling.
Sometimes I feel it in the pit of my stomach - that feeling. The nostalgia makes me nauseous. It makes me wonder how time can move so fast without recognition. It makes me dread tomorrow because soon today will be nothing but a distant memory.
If only I’d realized sooner that time moves fast
and things will never be the same as when I was
a kid.
Want to know the context behind this seemingly sad notes app draft?
I saw a video on TikTok of nostalgic Christmas pictures from other people’s childhoods. That’s really all it was.
Then all of a sudden I was a 22-year-old longing to be 10 again, still sitting in my childhood room. I love to be dramatic, what can I say.
Sometimes I simply just forget I’m not a kid anymore.
July 24th, 2023 9:16 pm I wrote in my notes app:
I feel like a kid still waiting for the bus
but the bus already came
and I’m not on it
because I’m all grown up now
I can drive by myself.
I have been able to for a while now.
Clearly, I’ve been nostalgic for a while now, but I think it’s okay to be. I think it’s normal to mourn your childhood as we grow older, but it’s important to not forget it. Don’t forget about the things that made you smile as a kid.
I really enjoy writing in my notes app. It feels extremely private, expectations don’t seem to exist there. I feel free to really write my deepest thoughts weighing on my heart because I’m confident I’ll forget I even wrote it at all. A month later I’ll go to make a grocery list and find a heavy paragraph about my childhood - it’s a lovely surprise!
The point is, I think I want to make this a recurring series on the blog. A series of me, dropping a couple of notes app entries and sharing where my heart is at lately. It’s fun, it’s vulnerable and we’re definitely going to get to know each other! I encourage you to sit down sometime this week and just write. Drop any expectations, clear your mind, and let yourself be creative. Get lost in your writing and I guarantee you’ll reread what you wrote and think, “Wow I didn’t know I really felt like that.” Writing is awesome, you don’t have to have it all figured out to be good at it - a true art.
Just like when you were a little kid, do things without expectation.
We weren’t meant to be good at everything.
We were just called to be creative.
Even if your creativity lives strictly in your notes app.
